Kaylinn the Potato (book)

Kaylinn the Potato is the name of the first book in the KTP series. The PoV is Kaylinn. It is followed up by Pepe the Person.

Early Pages
When Pepe tries to turn Kaylinn into a potato, his machine backfires and turns him into a potato instead. However, Kaylinn and Pepe are both struck by lightning, turning Kaylinn into a potato and Pepe back to a human. His goal accomplished, Pepe then eats Kaylinn.

Unfortunately she doesn't taste nice so he spits her mangled form back out. Kaylinn goes to Tesco to get a new face, but is stopped by the Tesco Manager who tells her that they don't serve ugly peeps. Kaylinn still manages to purchase Senan, who is also a potato, and peels his face off. She sticks his face, some of his hair and one of his arms onto her.

Now that she only needs legs, Kaylinn visits Hannah and uses a knife to cut her legs off. However, Hannah calls on her MWRK (Magical Winged Regeneration Kitty) and uses it to regenerate her legs. Kaylinn is angered and so shoots down the MWRK with an arrow. Meanwhile, Thing is making her first appearance as a lamp.

The quest for hair
Now Kaylinn only needs hair, so she goes to Pepe's first house. She picks the lock and sneaks inside to see Pepe dancing around in his study and singing. As Kaylinn watches, Beth jumps out and tries to kill Pepe but Pepe kills her and disposes of her body parts in tar.

Kaylinn jumps out and stabs Pepe with a rusty knife, stealing some hair at the same time. A wounded Pepe begins to crawl across the room, but it takes so long that it is five hours before he reaches his destination- the cupboard. He takes out two objects-- an elixir of life and a mug. He throws the mug at Kaylinn (who yells "Who mugged me?!?") and drinks the elixir of life. Kaylinn says that she switched it for hot sauce, which causes Pepe to have fire shoot out of his mouth, but Pepe says that he switched it back, steals his hair back from Kaylinn, and kicks her out.

Kaylinn decides top pay Charlie a visit, so she goes to his house, which is covered in Mars Bar graffiti (Charlie loves Mars Bars). She asks his mum where he is and she says that he is at an MB protest. Kaylinn steals Charlie's Mum's hair and then goes to find Charlie, because she is in love with him.

Charlie is in a Mars Bar protest when Kaylinn finds him. When Kaylinn tells him about what she has done so far, he is so angry about her ripping off Senan's face that he throws a brick at her face and steals ALL of her hair.

Kaylinn now goes to see Hannah, who has fallen down a manhole, and was offered help by Sewer Blobbin. She hops away really fast yelling "Hell No!" She then continues to hop until she pops up out of a manhole on the other side of town, where the wounded MWRK lies. Hannah gets it to restore her leg, and then walks over to Kaylinn and throws a brick in her face.

Kaylinn decides to go on a hair spree, since she now has none. She robs a tiny bit of hair from 750 heads, but rejects Zombie Beth's wig. She realizes that she has not yet robbed a spiritual dude called The Hairmaster, and so goes there but his stopped by Hannah, who jumps in front of her and shouts "HI KAYLINN OMG," leaving The Hairmaster with time to teleport away.

The Chicken Nugget Shop
After that she goes to the Chicken Nugget Sop, which is run by Bob and Alexandru. She buys 50 chicken nuggets before asking where Alexandru was. When she finds out that Alexandru was slaughtering chickens, she goes into his massacre chamber to confront him by knocking him over into the lava that he was using to roast chickens. At that moment, Aidan bursts in through the window and yells "Fear me! I can control chickens!" After Kaylinn insults him he helps Kaylinn kill Alexandru, for he had drank an elixir of life from Pepe and now had ninety lives. In conclusion, they torture him with a torture rack and thumb screws and the chickens' beaks. When he only has one life left, Aidan pushes Alexandru into the lava and all except for his face and one of his eyeballs disintegrates. Bob now pushes open the door and screams "AAAAA TOO MANY CHICKENS"

Aidan then gets a chicken to carry Alexandru's face to Senan, who is sitting in the sewers with Sewer Blobbin saying Bart (a feeling word) as Carmen runs by above. The chicken drops the face through the grille, making it fall onto Senan's face. Senan, who is now happy, decides to leave.

Outside the Chicken Nugget Shop Kaylinn runs into Hannah who has taken up murdering now that Alexandru is dead. However, while Hannah talks, Kaylinn makes a cardboard cut-out of herself and runs away. Hannah pursues her on her MWRK.

Kaylinn runs to the Horse Racing place, but finds Hannah already there, having killed all of the horses and people. Kaylinn is so angry and sad that she takes out a pistol and shoots Hannah in the shoulder. However, Hannah is revealed to be Sean wearing a bobblehead, and the MWRK is actually a cleverly disguised meat dragon. Kaylinn asks him where he got the bobblehead, and Sean answers that he got it in Hannah Con. When Kaylinn says "Why does that exist?!? That's stupid! Nobody like Hannah! Everyone loves me!" Then Hannah shows up and asks Sean why he has a bobblehead. Kaylinn starts to grow impatient and so shoots Sean in the head, this time killing him.

Sean’s Granny sees this happening and yells at Kaylinn that she has killed her grandson. She chases after Kaylinn with a knife, but Kaylinn sees Pepe on his pet Cloud. She shouts up to Pepe to save her, but once she gets on, he pushes her off again.

Kaylinn lands on a ginormous trampoline on top of a shop named Trampolines-R-Us, and bounces onto smaller and smaller trampolines until she has stopped bouncing (and stopped screaming). Then Alexandru’s Gnost appears before her, but she stabs it with a knife, which makes it poof out of existence. Unfortunately, Sean’s Granny and the rest of Sean’s family catch up with her and she runs some more. She eventually ends up in a shady alleyway, where Tommy’s robot workshop is.

A few minutes later, Kaylinn has been strapped to a table by Tommy, who plans to turn her into a robot. Tommy goes to press the button, but he realizes that Kaylinn is no longer strapped to the table. Before he can do anything, Kaylinn jumps out at him and sets him on fire with a flamethrower. As she is escaping though, Sean’s Granny jumps out with her followers and chases Kaylinn een further, bringing her to the village where Cara lives. Kaylinn is going so fast that she smashes through a wall of a house, which belongs to Weird Guy. Weird Guy says hi and then leaves, and a few seconds later Kaylinn realizes that he stole her wallet.

Kaylinn goes into the town and buys some cream to put on her face, which she injured when she ran into the wall. Thuy Vinh then appears and asks for Kaylinn to take her balloon from the tree that it has gotten stuck in, seeing as T.V is to short to retrieve it. Kaylinn takes it out for her and then sees that the balloon was from McDonalds. Kaylinn asks if there is a McDonalds nearby, and T.V tells her that there is, before she leaves to kill Finn. Meanwhile Kaylinn goes to McDonalds. After she buys a Happy Meal, she is abducted by a turnip that can only say “Pleb” outside, that steals her food. Angry, Kaylinn goes and gets another Happy Meal, but the turnip steals it again. Kaylinn then finds out that the turnip is actually her friend Cara, and so tells her that she can eat all the food she wants.

The next scene is Cara going to the market to buy some fruit, because Kaylinn is comong over for lunch. However, when Cara goes into the market, she sees on the turnip stall that her cousin, Brenda, is being sold by Weird Guy's Dad. Cara saves Brenda and then shouts at Weird Guy's Dad, even though he can only hear "Pleb." She then leaves for the house that she shares with Rebecca Rabbit (who speaks in abbreviations, which Cara finds irritating). Soon after, Kaylinn arrives.

Main Characters

 * Kaylinn
 * Pepe
 * Hannah
 * Alexandru
 * Charlie
 * Aidan
 * Sean
 * Tommy

Reccuring Characters

 * Sherman
 * MWRK
 * Thuy Vinh
 * Cara